Start with Your Spouse

Are you on the same page?

One of the things I appreciate about Chuck interviewing me on these posts is that these conversations have stimulated my thinking. Here’s a really important topic I forgot before one of our early interviews brought it to mind.

You need to be on the same page with your spouse when it comes to ministry. Hear what I am saying and hear what I am not saying.

I’m not saying: Your spouse needs to have the same pioneering spirit, the same personality, or the same spiritual gifts.

I am saying: If you are doing pioneer kingdom work and your spouse is not aware, (or mildly aware and gives a ‘shoulder-shrug’ to it), you are putting your long-term sustainability in doubt.

Oftentimes, God pairs pioneers with other giftings and personalities. While the pioneer might feel, at times, slowed down by this, the reality is that God is helping the pioneer go slower for his or her own good. I’ve seen pioneers move so fast they aren’t even connecting with the people they are reaching, but his or her spouse has a little more shepherd gifting in them and takes the time to care for those they are reaching.

If you know you haven’t been on the same page with your spouse, it’s time to have a sit-down conversation. Share your dreams, visions, desires…

And also let them share. Don’t come to argue about how he or she isn’t seeing things correctly. Come to listen, then process, and seek to live with that person in an understanding way.¹

I know of a pioneer who was feeling discouraged in the work. His wife, who is not a pioneer, was the one to offer encouragement and even specific direction because she knew her husband and what would recharge him and keep him going. This would not have happened if she were not aware of his pioneering spirit or was ambivalent toward it.

1. 1 Peter 3:7. The directive is to husbands toward their wives, but I think in this specific instance, the principle holds true the other way.